Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
