I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
