are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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