That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Text me some of your sweat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
