it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
