I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think my moral compass just broke
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
