Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
