Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
