You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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