quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
