He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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