That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
