a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
