I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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