she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize