I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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