Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
