i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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