Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
