Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
