i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
