They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
