Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
