Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
