I want to have your abortion
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
