Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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