Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
