On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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