Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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