I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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