Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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