i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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