She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
