You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
