Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I understand Curling. That high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
