i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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