I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
