My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
