when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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