Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
