we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
