I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
