great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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