morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
