actually, I'm a sock model
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Someone came in the potted fern
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
