i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize