i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
