I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
