You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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