I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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