is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
