i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
