i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
