we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
