I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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