Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
