we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
