just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
