Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
