I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just puked most of my soul out..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
