I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
