You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
