It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you had me at cake vodka
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize