Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
