I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
