go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
