i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
