I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
