Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
