Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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