I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
