It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
