I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
