you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
