I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
