a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's always time for handjobs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
