Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
